My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize