all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
