i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize