people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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