There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
