Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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