I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
