bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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