how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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