So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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