Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
