oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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