cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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