so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
