i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
