Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
