drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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