Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
