For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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