He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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