worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
