Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
