unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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