you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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