I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
