You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
