And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
