I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize