Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have tasted many bathrooms
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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