Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
