we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
only you would photoshop your dick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
