Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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