Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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