tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
