you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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