I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
