Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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