If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
