it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
