My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
