You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
