I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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