I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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