sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
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