ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
