Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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