Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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