Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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