At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
