Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
