So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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