My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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