Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize