oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
