areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
