i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
