I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
