Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
