A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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