did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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