I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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