Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
