Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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