how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
