I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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