My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize