I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
