This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
