She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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