oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
