If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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