My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
