I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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