Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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