If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
