Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am mentally ready for anal.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
