I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
