Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize