If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
