So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
