turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
