i was born a porn star she said
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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