I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
