new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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