I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Of course I have a pirate flag
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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