Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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