They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
