yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize