She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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