Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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