I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Soap is not a condiment
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
