guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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