please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
