hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
