My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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