you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
